


ikaw pa rin pala ang hanap-hanap ko

by dokgyunsoo



Category: EXO (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Law Student Sehun Oh, M/M, Med Student Jeonghan Yoon, Mutual Pining, Romance, mahaba buhok niya dito so think about that for a sec
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27876801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokgyunsoo/pseuds/dokgyunsoo
Summary: in theory okay lang naman ma-inlove sa bestfriend, pero in practice? are the risks even worth it?alternatively, naging isang malaking habulan ang taft pero si jeonghan at sehun lang ang nagtatayaan.
Relationships: Oh Sehun/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	1. hindi mo ba alam, damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan

**Author's Note:**

> yes the title is taken from a jadine song what about it!!! again, this is a jeonghun fic, so... all in good fun, please wag na kayo mag-iwan ng mean comments haha cancer ang zodiac sign ko iyakin ako so stop that!!
> 
> RIP use of ng and nang. wala akong beta so i apologize for all the mistakes na makikita niyo sa story (from spelling hanggang grammar/verb tenses). thank you everyone for clicking agad!
> 
> this one is for b, i hope you like it kahit ang tagal kong sinulat like MONTHS and now we have this unbeta-d 15k fic na sinulat ko in 2 days hahaha i love you. 
> 
> warning: innacurate take on med and law i really have no source but google... so ayon also wag ma-fall sa bestfriend, hindi advisable lol
> 
> kunin at tanggapin ang alay na ito (na set in a covid-free world. sana ol covid-free.)

If there’s one thing that Sehun, or well,  _ Enzo  _ hates ay ang pagsisinungaling. A little bit ironic since he’s studying Law, but then again, gusto niya makipag-argue. Una sa lahat, they don’t lie. Sure, they could be twisting the truth, the facts, but never _ ever  _ lying. 

Kaya hindi alam ni Sehun kung bakit ayaw pa umamin ni Jeonghan, kung ano ang laman ng gumagalaw na eco bag na kasalukuyang nasa lapag ng condo nila. 

Kagagaling lang ni Jeonghan Paolo, JP, (or  _ Pao _ , but no one really calls him that except for Sehun) whatever you wanna call him, sa labas after one long session of studying with his friends from Med. He tries to ignore Sehun na sinusundan soya bawat kilos niya sa condo, habang uminom siya ng tubig sa ref from the pitcher mismo  _ (Yuck, ok _ but he’s cute, so forgiven.) _ “What’s inside the bag, Pao?”  _ Hindi tunog tanong ang pangungulit ni Sehun sa kanya. 

“Edi buksan mo,” Jeonghan says to him in between gulps, “Go check.”

“It’s a dog,” Sehun sighs bago minasahe ang bridge ng ilong niya after removing his glasses. Grabe, he’s been rereading cases again and again and he feels his head throbbing sa bawat lumilipas na segundo.  _ “It’s another stray dog.”  _

_ Another.  _ Oo, it’s not the first time na inuwi ni Jeonghan ang nakakasalubong niyang aso on the way home from studying. Hindi naman niya kasalanang masyado siyang pusong mamon for his little furry friends! “It’s not!” Depensa ni Jeonghan sa kanya na nagtatanggal ng medyas na sinuot para dumiretso sa CR para ilagay ang isinuot na jacket at medyas sa hamper nila. 

Sumusunod pa rin si Sehun sa kanya para kunin sa kanya ang sagot, “I swear if it’s another dog,  _ puta naman,” _ Frustrated na singhal ni Sehun sa kanya. 

“I’m telling you, it’s not.” Medyo naiinis nang sagot ni Jeonghan sa kanya dahil he’s literally breathing down his neck! 

“Alam mo namang bawal ang aso sa condo!” 

“Alam ko!” 

They were fighting, but not really. Medyo kumukunot na ang noo ni Sehun dahil ayaw pa rin umamin ni Jeonghan na nag-uwi siya ng aso. Don’t get him wrong ah,  _ he really loves dogs _ , marami siyang aso back home. Just not here, ang mahal mahal na nga ng renta ng condo na ‘to, magbabayad pa sila ng fine kapag nalamang may aso sila. 

Akala naman ni Jeonghan maloloko niya si Sehun. Para talagang matutunaw siya dahil sa titig ni Sehun na akala mo nililitis siya. He crosses his arms para titigan din pabalik si Sehun,  _ makuha ka sa tingin _ , he stares strongly at may pagclench pa nga ng jaw si Sehun bago matalo. 

Siya ang unang umiwas ng tingin. 

_ Yes!  _ Jeonghan mentally rejoices. Mentally pa lang because he has yet to tell na ang laman ng bag ay isang-

_ Meow. _

Sehun’s brows furrows bago siya lumingon ulit kay Jeonghan. “Pusa,” He almost shouts pero napigil niya ang sarili niya.  _ “Pusa?!” _

Jeonghan shushes him, “Kuting,” cinorrect pa siya neto. “It’s a stray kitten.”

_ Oo nga naman,  _ Sehun thought, Jeonghan wasn’t lying. Hindi nga naman talaga ‘yun aso. Well, this is a first, usually kasi mga tutang gala ang inuuwi ni Jeonghan sa kanila. This time, tonight, kuting naman ang inuwi ni Jeonghan. 

Umuulan kasi sa labas ngayon, malakas, at gaya nga ng nabanggit… masyadong malambot si Jeonghan for our little furry friends. Sino ba namang makakahindi sa ngumingiyaw na puti na kuting na basang basa sa ulan? Of course he had to take him home! Feed him! Maybe play with him a little. 

_ Dress him up? Take him out to the park, too. That sounds nice.  _

“We’re not keeping it,” Sehun says to him, his voice was stern. Binalik ni Sehun ang salamin sa mga mata niya bago cinrack ang leeg niya, hearing a few pop. He shakes his head bago bumalik sa pwesto niya sa study table niya to get back to studying the provisions for his Law classes. 

Kailangan maging matatag ni Sehun, hindi siya dapat madala. He needs to be firm dahil unit niya rin ito, unit nila ‘to, but-

“Why can’t we keep him? _ Kawawa naman siya, _ ” Jeonghan whispers at nang iikot ni Sehun ang swivel niya para humarap ang Jeonghan ay nakita niya itong nakaupo sa sahig, playing with the kitten kahit suot pa niya ang all white netong uniform from Med School, “Isa pa, nakikinig siya sakin. Sinabihan ko siyang huwag maingay nung dadaan kami sa guard. He seemed to understand naman. Diba?” He talks to the cat na nakikipaglaro ngayon sa kamay niya. 

“Fine,” he says crossing his arms. “Pero kapag nahuli tayo, _ ikaw ang magbabayad ng penalty sa dorm _ , pangalawang strike na natin ‘to sa management.” 

Biglang ngumiti si Jeonghan at binuhat ang pusa with two hands bago pumunta sa direksyon ni Sehun. “Yie!” asar neto sa kanya,  _ “At dahil d’yan, I will name him Enzo.”  _

“No,” Masungit na sagot sa kanya ni Sehun shooing them away pareho, “Keeping the cat is one thing, iba na kapag pinangalan mo sakin ‘yan.” Tinalikuran ni Sehun si Jeonghan at ang kuting para isuot ang earphones niya para ‘di na siya guluhin neto while he’s studying for teh night. 

At sino may sabing palaging nananalo sa arguments ang mga abogado at  _ abogado to be _ ? Sobrang lala ng misconception na ‘yan, take Sehun Laurence Oh III for example, nanalo ba siya sa isang Jeonghan Paolo Yoon? 

_ Hindi.  _

At parang never naman siyang nanalo.

_ Olats na olats siya. _

For reals. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


If we go back two decades, baka pwede pa siyang manalo. 

“Give him back,” Little Sehun crosses his arms, towering over another little boy na nakikipaglaro sa aso, sa bahay nila, in their garden. Little Sehun feels.. very madamot right now. 

“No,” the little boy replies back. “Bakit? Iyo ba siya?” 

Little Sehun furrows his brows at ikinuyom ang mga kamao niya. Susuntukin na sana niya ang bata, so much for being violent, kaya lang naalala niya ang laging paalala sa kanya ng mommy niya na never ever use violence. They can probably talk it out. 

“Yes, he’s mine.” Sehun proudly answers, “Now, give him back.” 

“If he’s yours,  _ bakit mo siya iniwan?” _ The little boy finally stands up para humarap kay Sehun and boy, oh, boy. 

Sehun was too young to know the concept of crushes. But his mom never failed to remind him that pretty isn’t only for women, it could be for nice things, too, like flowers, colors, stars… and Sehun saw these things sa kaharap niyang bata of the same age. 

_ Pretty.  _

Too pretty he almost forgot na inaaway nga pala niya ito. His fists unclenched on their own. _ “Choco.” _ Sehun says, “His name is Choco. He’s my dog.”

The dog yips nang marinig ang pangalan niya from Sehun, sinabi niyang kukuhanin sana niya ang leash ni Choco inside but the dog wasn’t at the same place he left him. Of course, may party eh, ang daming tao sa bahay nila ngayon. 

“Your dog is cute.” He says kay Sehun, “I’m Jeonghan Paolo. Nahanap ko siya sa may poolside.” Jeonghan extends both of his arms na may bitbit sa puppy para ibigay ito kay Sehun pabalik. Sehun cradles Choco into his arms, bago nila narinig ang boses ng mommy niya. 

“Oh, they met na pala,” Sehun’s mom says sa kaibigan nito, “Sehun Laurence, this is Auntie Fran, remember my batchmate from Poveda! This is mommy’s bff in highschool.” Nagmano naman si Sehun sa kasama ng mommy niya.

“This is my son, Jeonghan Paolo, you can call him Pao.” Auntie Fran introduces them both. Jeonghan waves kay Sehun, a little friendlier this time kumpara sa una nilang encounter kanina. 

_ Pretty.  _

Sehun waves back at him. 

“You wanna play with me and Choco?” Alok ni Sehun sa kanya. 

Natuwa ang mga magulang dahil hindi na nila kailangang mag intervene, sabihin na lang nating ang mommy ni Sehun ang may party pero si Sehun ang nakatanggap ng regalo in the form of Jeonghan Paolo Yoon.

Akalain mong ‘yun pala ang simula ng pagpapasok ni Sehun sa buhay niya ng isang Jeonghan. 

Sino bang mag aakala na after two decades ng fateful meeting na ‘yun ay hahantong sila dito? 

Akalain mong magiging best friends silang dalawa. 

And kahit lumipas pa ang maraming taon, Sehun thinks Jeonghan’s still as pretty.  _ Wala namang nagbago _ .

And maybe that was the last time na nanalo siya kay Jeonghan. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Pahiram ng yellow highlighter,” Pambabasag ni Mingyu sa pagdedaydream ni Sehun in broad daylight sa gitna ng coffee shop kung saan sila nag aaral ngayon ng sandamakmak na cases na itinambak sa kanila. They’re sittinng at a large table, too, sila pa lang malaki na ang sakop sa space, pati na ang mga gamit nila.

_ “Huh?” _ Sehun says drifting far far away na sa dreamland niya kanina of flashbacks, Mingyu shakes his head, si Sehun ang nag-aya sa kanila na mag aral sa labas pero siya ang lumilipad ang utak the whole time. Good luck na lang kapag ginisa siya dahil hindi niya naaral. 

“Iniisip mo?” Tanong ni Chanyeol sa kanya, resting dahil siya ang kanina pa nakayuko. _ “Di ka pa rin mahal ‘nun.”  _

At kung badtrip na si Sehun kanina dahil sa pang iistorbo ni Mingyu ay mas nabadtrip pa siya sa sinabi ni Chanyeol sa kanya. “Pinagsasasabi mo?” He says habang binubuklat ulit ang makakapal na readings na nasa harap niya. 

“Sabi ko, hindi ka pa rin mahal ‘nun.” Ulit nito sa kanya na may halong pang aasar. 

Hayup. Hindi naman talaga asar talo si Sehun usually, they just caught him in a bad timing at wala siyang ibang magandang clap back kundi  _ “Policarpio,” _ Asar pabalik ni Sehun sa kanya. He knows how much Chanyeol hates his name, ni hindi niya nga pangalan ‘yun bilang Junior lang naman siya. 

“Ina mo ka ah,” Pabalik na bira sa kanya ni Chanyeol, “It’s Poch, come on. Put some respect on my name, it’s  _ Attorney Poch, _ naman oh. Porke maganda pangalan mo.”

Sehun and Mingyu laugh at the response, natigilan lang sila nang padabog na binaba ni Jongin ang tray niya sa mesa kung saan nakaupo ang tatlo. Kararating lang pala ni Jongin. “ _ Migs,  _ akala ko ba mag aaral ka mag isa?” Tanong ni Mingyu sa kanya. 

Jongin makes a face at his cousin  _ Miggy, _ “Puno ng med students ‘yung Tim’s sa U.N. Ave.” He just says bago ibinaba ang mga gamit niya sa tabi ng barkada niya. Mingyu gives Sehun and Chanyeol a knowing look.

Si Chanyeol naman ang nagsalita, “Andun si Kyungsoo ‘no?” Wala talagang brain to mouth filter si Chanyeol minsan, sorry na lang talaga. 

Jongin mocks him  _ “Andun si Kyungsoo ‘no?  _ Malay ko, puno nga diba? Hindi ko alam.” Pagsusungit neto bago tumayo para bumili ng inumin niya sa counter. Nagpigil na lang ng tawa si Chanyeol at Sehun, si Mingyu ang nagsalita, “Break na naman ‘yata sila.”

Sehun sighs, “Wala namang nagtatagal na may syota tapos Law Student, bakit masyado kang blessed? Ano ka, si Lord?” 

Chanyeol points to himself, mayabang na mayabang,  _ “Five years and counting, hello?” _ He says. 

Okay,  _ point taken.  _

“Patay na patay kasi sayo yung syota mo kaya ayaw mong pakawalan,” biglang sabat ni Jongin na nakabalik na pala mula sa pag-oorder ng inumin at pagkain niya.

Bigla tuloy silang nanahimik, pwera lang kay Chanyeol, “Tawag don pagcocompromise, busy ako, busy siya, ano magagawa namin? _ Minsan na lang kami magkita mag aaway pa kami?” _

Okay, point taken ulit.  _ Pwede ngang si Lord si Poch at siya ang second coming. _

Another man joins their table,  _ “Suuuper _ traffic sa Ortigas, I can’t even feel my ass anymore.” ang una nitong banggit as he sets his order sa table nila, sa tabi ni Sehun mismo. 

“Rafa, stop lying, wala ka kayang pwet.” Masungit na sagot ni Jongin Miguel sa kanya.

“Papalag sana ako but you look like you won’t be able to take more, let me guess, break na kayo ulit ni Kyungsoo?” Junmyeon Rafael, who just arrived, literally guessed what was happening kahit hindi naman niya naririnig ang pinag-uusapan kanina. 

At dahil napupunta na naman sa relationship ang kwento ay kailangan nang gawan ni Sehun ng paraan bago pa siya makita ng mga ito at maging pulutan sa magiging asaran.

“Si Sehun nga, hindi naman niya syota pero inaaway niya rin eh,” Biglang sabat ni Mingyu.  _ Ayun lang. _ Too late dahil mukhang siya na ang magiging pulutan instead of Jongin. 

Hinawi niya ang buhok niyang masyado nang mahaba bago tumingin sa mga kaibigan pailalim. “Shut up,  _ Jaime.” _ Pang-aasar niya kay Mingyu, like Chanyeol, Mingyu loathes his name which apparently came from his and Jongin’s lolo. Malas. “Ako na naman nakita niyo, ah.” Sehun says.

Hindi naman napigilan ni Chanyeol ang huwag kumibo at naisingit pa ang isang,  _ “Oo naman, si Jeonghan lang naman hindi nakakakita sayo.” _

“Gago ka ah.”

Totoo naman. Sino ba namang tanga ang hindi alam kung mula kailan pa niya nagustuhan ang bestfriend niya. Para bang isang established fact na lang ito bago pa siya magbinata. He likes Jeonghan, sure, no biggie. Pinalalaki lang ng mga kaibigan niya ang issue. He’s pretty sure na hindi naman na dapat malaman ni Jeonghan ito, OA kung OA pero dadalhin niya ‘tong sikretong ito habang-buhay... maybe hanggang hukay? 

It wasn’t a  _ secret  _ secret, para bang lahat ng tao alam ‘yun except for Jeonghan. Weird shit, but it’s true. At parang nirurub pa ang fact na ‘yun sa mukha niya.

_ Everyone else has a decent relationship except for him!  _

Mingyu has Wonwoo na nameet niya lang from bumble but somehow they went past the ghosting phase and went straight to dating! Syempre, alamat si Mingyu dahil doon.  _ St. Mingyu Jaime of Bumble, pray for us.  _

Of course, with Junmyeon being his best bud in Law School,  _ Rafa  _ met his now girlfriend through Sehun and Jeonghan. Irene was Jeonghan’s blockmate in Med School. Bilang mabait si Sehun at Jeonghan, syempre they hit it off agad when they introduced them to each other.

Not to mention, Jongin has Kyungsoo from Med School tulad na lang ni Chanyeol na may Baekhyun from Med School also! Pinakagago niyang mga kaibigan but still naunahan pa siya? Parang di naman yata tama ‘yun. Parang unfair.

Kahit yata  _ on off on off  _ ang relationship ni Jongin at Kyungsoo, mas may galaw pa kaysa sa Sehun. 

Everyone else is happy except for him, bakit?  _ Deserve din naman niya ah.  _

Medj.

“Kung umamin ka na noon, eh ‘di sana, hindi ka nag-iisip nang malalim ngayon.” Hirit ni Poch bago isuot ang airpods niya, shoulders shrugging.

And suddenly, Sehun was taken back to  _ that  _ fateful night noong undergraduate pa sila pareho. 

Jeonghan has just gotten out of a two year relationship, he was miserable. Daig pa niya ang mala Star Magic na direction sa buhay niya. Umuulan lang naman ng madatnan ni Sehun si Jeonghan sa harap ng McDonald’s sa Faura, walang payong at basang-basa ng malakas na ulan. 

Kung hindi ba naman _ tanga.  _

Habang naglalakad si Sehun papunta kay Jeonghan ay mabilis niyang hinubad ang suot niyang windbreaker all while holding a fucking yellow patterned umbrella na may mga sisiw na pag-aari lang naman ni Jongin.

“Ano ba naman ‘yan,” Singhal ni Sehun nang mapayungan si Jeonghan from under the pouring rain para isuot naman sa kanya ang windbreaker. Medyo wala na ring silbi dahil nangangatog na si Jeonghan nang madatnan niya. “Bakit ka naman nagpaulan?” He says to Jeonghan but mostly to himself. 

Aakbayan na sana niya si Jeonghan para magsukob sila sa iisang payong na maliit pero biglang nagsalita si Jeonghan, “Nakipagbreak ako kasi alam kong ‘yun ‘yung tama, pero bakit hindi ako masaya? But at the same time, hindi rin ako malungkot.  _ I feel nothing.” _

_ Aren’t we all unhappy in some ways?  _

“Let’s go?” He says kay Jeonghan and gives him half a hug, their voices were almost drowned down by the rain na palakas nang palakas. Sehun looks around and sees na may mga nakatingin sa kanila from inside McDo, kaya inaya niya si Jeonghan. “Let’s get you home, yeah?”

Jeonghan nods, tinitigan niya lang si Sehun for a moment bago niya ito niyakap. 

Sehun didn’t mind, at that time, wala siyang pake kahit may GA pa sa org nila hanggang mamaya at sumaglit lang siya para sunduin si Jeonghan nung nagtext ito. Hindi niya na inisip ‘yun, instead he wraps his other free hand kay Jeonghan.  _ “Pao, you okay? Let’s go home?” _

He feels Jeonghan’s arms tighten at his waist. Malamig si Jeonghan, sana nakaalis siya agad kanina baka hindi siguro matagal naghintay si Jeonghan sa ulanan had he been a little earlier. Naghanap pa kasi siyang ibang payong kaysa sa yellow chicks na payong ni Jongin, pero wala. 

Ang awkward lang talagang magkayakap sila under the rain ngayon, pinapanood pa sila ng ibang tao. 

“Sehun Laurence Oh,  _ the third, _ ” He hears Jeonghan call his name, “Masaya ka pa ba?”

Sehun stiffens at the question, ah.  _ “Oo naman,” _ Sehun answers. Bibitiw sana sa pagkakayakap si Sehun para tignan si Jeonghan pero lalo lang humigpit ang kapit ni Jeonghan sa kanya. Not allowing Sehun to look at him, or even bumitaw man lang sa yakap.

“Okay,” he hears Jeonghan whisper kahit na nalunod na ito ng tunog ng ulan,  _ “Okay. That’s good.” _

Sehun hates lying. 

Hindi rin niya alam kung bakit niya sinabi ‘yun when in fact,  _ everything is spiraling down.  _ It has been for the longest time now.  _ Hindi na siya masaya,  _ hindi siya masaya sa relasyong pinasok niya half heartedly all because he was too upset kasi nalaman niyang sinagot na ni Jeonghan ‘yung matagal nang nanliligaw sa kanya noon.

So tulad ni Jeonghan Paolo na masaya sa relasyon at that time, syumota rin siya. Tumagal sila, medyo, if we count out all the times na nagcool off silang dalawa dahil nagseselos ito kay Jeonghan. 

They kind of have the same name, too. Medyo, pero hindi sinasadya ni Sehun ‘yun. 

Hindi naman madaling talikuran si Jeonghan para lang sa current jowa niya. Long story short, hindi siya masaya. So hindi niya alam kung bakit niya sinabi ‘yun. 

Maybe, sapat na ang isa lang ang miserable sa kanila. Mukhang mas kailangan siya ni Jeonghan ngayon, eh. _ Like, as his bestfriend.  _

Sehun forgets about the General Assembly dahil busy siyang tulungan si Jeonghan na magpatuyo from the rain sa shared dorm nila. Nakalimutan na niyang bumalik kasi busy siyang ipagluto ng mainit na instant noodles si Jeonghan. 

Even a warm cup of coffee para sa kanya.

Ignoring every text from his orgmates, he focused on Jeonghan that night. Pati na rin texts ng boyfriend niya that time, asshole move, he knows that naman.

Busy siya kay Jeonghan.  _ Kasi kailangan siya ni Jeonghan.  _ Hindi na kailangang sabihin ni Jeonghan explicitly to know, he just knows. 

Jeonghan fell asleep that night, hindi siya nakita ni Sehun na umiyak. 

Natauhan na lang si Sehun ulit nang marealize niyang tinatawanan na siya ni Mingyu at Jongin nang sabay. The fucking _ annoying na magpinsan, _ ugh. Sehun frowns, natulala na naman siya. “Nagkakabisa ako ng provisions,  _ mga bobo, _ ” inunahan na ni Sehun ang mga kaibigan niya bago pa siya asarin. “Sana kayo rin.”

_ “Sige, sabi mo, eh.”  _

Sehun sighs, sumandal siya at ginulo ang buhok niyang magulo naman talaga. Masyado na talagang mahaba buhok niya. Kinapa niya ang panali ng buhok sa wrist niya at kinuha ito para sandaling itali ito into a little bun, hindi pa achieve ang full man bun. But his hair was long, too long now, and tinatamad na siyang alagaan ang sarili niya. 

Lagi na lang talagang lumilipad utak niya. 

Anyway!

Isa pa, matagal na kaya niyang kinalimutan ‘yun. They’re better off as friends anyways, baka kung umamin pa siya that night na hindi na siya masaya, kasi ang gusto niya talaga ay si Jeonghan, baka wala na siyang best friend ngayon. 

_ And he can’t risk that. _

Not in this universe siguro. 

So, nangako na siya na kakalimutan na niya ang nararamdaman niya for his bestfriend, kasi in theory okay lang mainlove siya sa bestfriend niya pero in practice? Are the risks worth it? Sehun can’t lose the love of his life and bestfriend. 

You would think, smart move, diba? But, no, Sehun much like Jeonghan, went from relationships to relationships in hopes of finding the person who would truly understand the equation that they both come in a package.  _ Kung hindi mo makakasundo ang bestfriend ko, then huwag na lang.  _

“Kumusta pala ‘yung dinedate mong guy now from Beda?” Pangungumusta ni Jongin sa kanya. 

“We’re not dating, we’re just talking.” He corrects his friend, ang friend niyang nagpakilala sa kanila sa isa’t isa which makes the situation a lot more complicated. Hassle i-ghost when you have common friends.

But that’s the least of his worries. Unang problema niya ay kung paano siya mag-aaral ngayon kung lumilipad ang utak niya, pangalawa, he still has to buy food for the cat na naiwan sa condo nila and Sehun’s sure na marami nang sinira ‘yung pusa by now. 

So,  _ fuck it. _ He gathers all of his stuff para magligpit na. He removes his glasses para iangat ito at ipatong sa ulo niya as a headband na rin for his hair na laging nalalaglag sa mga mata niya. Hinanap pa niya ang susi ng sasakyan niya sa gulo ng mga gamit niyang halo-halo na. 

Hindi na siya pinansin ng mga kaibigan niya, with his readings and macbook in one hand, binitbit niya ang leather satchel niya with the other.  _ “Una na ako, see you in class mamaya.”  _

Mingyu waves without looking up from reading at tinapik naman siya ni Jongin sa tiyan with the back of his hand. “Huwag kayo magsusuntukan, ah,” Asar ni Sehun, never letting them forget that one incident na nagkwelyuhan ang magpinsan dahil sa iisang tao. 

“San ka?” Tanong ni Chanyeol.

“Tim’s,” matipid niyang sagot, glancing at Jongin. 

“Ayos, sabay na ako,” Chanyeol quickly gathers his stuff para sumabay kay Sehun papunta sa Tim’s where his boyfriend is, kasi nga, small world and Chanyeol’s dating one of Jeonghan’s friends. Talagang parang nananadya ang universe. Unless...  _ Lord, baka naman?  _

At, oo, kahit naman nakadorm si Sehun ay dala niya pa rin ang luma niyang Vios na sasakyan niya na since undergrad years, pupunta siyang Tim’s sa U.N. Ave, sabi niya kasi kay Jeonghan dadaanan niya ito para samahan siyang bumili ng gamit nung pusa. 

For a stray na ipapamigay din naman nila in a few days, parang hindi yata tamang nag-iinvest pa si Sehun ng mga gamit neto sa pagkain at tutulugan. 

Binaybay ni Sehun at Chanyeol ang traffic para lang sunduin si Jeonghan na nakalimutan yatang papunta ito. Ang tagal ni Jeonghan sumagot ng telepono kaya nagpasya na lang siyang pumasok sa loob for a while. He enters the coffee shop at halos humunot agad ang noo niya sa ingay at sa dami ng tao, naalala niya na kung bakit hindi siya dito nag-aaral. 

Sehun almost stumbles back dahil nabunggo siya ng lalaking galing sa mesa na pupuntahan niya.

Agad niyang nakita ang grupo ni Jeonghan, sabay sila ni Chanyeol na lumapit sa mesa kung nasaan ang mga ito, maingay at hindi naman nag aaral. 

Sehun stands behind where Jeonghan was sitting, “Di ka sumasagot ng phone mo,” sermon niya dito,  _ “Nagcellphone ka pa.” _

Jeonghan’s friends  _ ooh’s  _ nang marinig na sinermunan siya ni Sehun, “Poch, bakit di mo turuan ngumiti ‘yang kaibigan mo,” Baekhyun says to Chanyeol, “Busy si Jeonghan, may binigyan ng number.”

_ Aba.  _

“Huy,” saway ni Jeonghan sa kaibigan, parang sinasabing, huwag mo nang sabihin. Sehun ignores what Baekhyun said, at nilingon naman siya ni Jeonghan, “Tara na ba?”

Sehun nods, pieces of hair ang nahulog from his forehead kaya tinanggal niya ang salamin ulit para ayusin ito sa ulo niya. “Only if you’re done,” sabi lang niya. 

“Yeah, we’re done.” 

Automatic na kinuha ni Sehun ang gamit ni Jeonghan na nasa mesa para bitbitin. Sakto namang kararating lang ni Junhui, Sehun remembers all of Jeonghan’s friends, ”Aalis ka na kaagad?” Tanong nito, “Kararating ko lang, alis ka agad?”

“Kaalis lang din ni Kyungsoo,” Jeonghan nods and smiles, kinuha niya ang isang pagkakapal-kapal na libro at iniabot kay Junhui, “Ikaw na magbigay kay Josh, I’ll see you both bukas okay!  _ Balik niyo flashcards ko, ah. _ ” He says before waving kay Baekhyun and Junhui. 

They were an odd bunch, but still, friendships na hindi mo akalaing mabubuo ang mga mas nagtatagal. Sehun pats Chanyeol’s back on the way palabas. Jeonghan easily spots Sehun’s black Vios at dumirediretso sa passenger’s side ng sasakyan.

He hears Sehun smula sa pagkakasunod sa kanya,  _ “Ayos ka ah, ano ako driver mo?” _

Jeonghan laughs and looks back at Sehun na nasisilaw from the afternoon sun, bitbit neto ang mga libro ni Jeonghan na ginamit niyang pantakip sa araw. “Yep, kuya, sa Robinson’s po,” Jeonghan pretends as if he were a passenger ng Grab.

“Ayos ka ah,” Sehun repeats as he unlocks his car. Sumakay na si Jeonghan sa tabi niya, tumalikod for a while si Sehun mula sa driver’s seat para ilapag sa backseat ang gamit ni Jeonghan. At bilang malapad ang dibdib, medyo nadikit siya kay Jeonghan in the process. 

“Kumain ka na?” Tanong niya rito, adjusting his own seatbelt now.

Jeonghan hums, “Konti lang, bakit ililibre mo ba ako?”

“Ayos ka ah,” Pangatlong ulit na ni Sehun sa kanya, “Turn mo na gumastos ngayon, ako kaya nagbayad last time.”

Jeonghan grunts, “Akala ko mauutakan na naman kita eh.” 

Sehun laughs before backing up sa highway pabalik, “Sige, I’ll pay for the food pero ikaw lahat gagastos ng gamit ni Enzo.” 

For a moment, nagbuffer ang utak ni Jeonghan bago niya narealize na he was talking about the cat. “Ano ba ‘yan, ang bagal,” reklamo ni Sehun sa kanya, “Ikaw nagpangalan hindi mo matandaan?”

Jeonghan laughs, “Oo na, oo na.” 

Sehun suddenly remembers what Baekhyun said kanina so he brings it up, “May humingi ng number mo?” He asks Jeonghan habang tutuok ang mga mata sa kalsada. 

Jeonghan nods and says, “Yep,” dinugtungan niya ng, “Kaya lang undergrad pa yata.” 

Sehun hums and glances at Jeonghan’s side before overtaking another car na nasa harapan nila. He tries a little hard para huwag na magpry at mag usisa, so hindi na siya nagtanong ulit. 

“Okay na ‘yun, at least hindi senior high,” dagdag ni Sehun habang nagmamaneho, pretending na wala siyang pakielam kahit gusto na niyang itanong kung sino at bakit hiningi ang number ni Jeonghan, “Remember?”

Umirap si Jeonghan, “Fuck off, that was one time. Undergrads pa tayo non,” he says. “Oh my god, kadiri. Imagine, I’m in med-school pero ‘yung dinedate, technically in high school?”

“Imagine dating you? Oo nga, kadiri.” Sehun nonchalantly says to him. 

“Hoy, ang kapal-kapal talaga ng mukha mo,” Pambabarda ni Jeonghan sa kanya pabalik, “Imagine dating  _ you  _ ‘no, kadiri talaga.”

Sehun laughs bago niya naramdamang kinurot siya ni Jeonghan sa tagiliran kaya napasigaw siya, “Huy,” kinagalitan niya ito, “Pao, nagmamaneho ako,  _ ano ba.” _

Pero ayaw siyang tigilan nito sa akmang pangungurot, kaya naman kahit nagmamaneho ay biglang hinawakan ni Sehun ang kamay ni Jeonghan para tigilan siya nito sa pangingiliti, bago nag-gearshift still holding his hand. 

Jeonghan coughs, para lang makuha ang atensyon ni Sehun dahil hawak pa rin neto ang kamay niya. 

Biglang binitawan ni Sehun ang kamay niya, “Subukan mong mangurot ulit,” pagbabanta ni Sehun at umiwas nang tingin. “Subukan mo lang talaga, Pao.”

The rest of the trip papuntang supermarket ay naging tahimik. 

Except for the fact na halos mabingi si Sehun sa lakas ng kabog ng didib niya. 

_ Bakit ba niya ginawa ‘yun? _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or the tambak-tambak readings but Sehun could not focus. 

At all.

Halos masabon siya ni Attorney kanina sa lecture dahil hindi niya man lang nasagot ang financial status ng corporation na itinatanong, so bilang nablangko na siya, he said, “ _ It was... doing well?”  _

So, sabihin na lang nating isang oras napatayo si Sehun dahil sa pang-grade 3 niyang sagot. Hindi happy si Attorney at hindi rin happy si Sehun dahil, nag-aral naman siya.  _ Hindi lang niya nasagot nang maayos! _

Idagdag na rin niya ang malakas na hampas ng hangin at ulan sa bintana ng condo kung saan nakasandal ang mesa niya kung saan siya nag-aaral ngayong gabi. It was almost 10:00 pm. Gusto sana niya makatulog at least this night? Bawi man lang. 

Or maybe  _ both _ , kasama na ng external forces na nangugulo sa utak ni Sehun ngayon. Wala talagang pumapasok sa utak niya. External forces meaning binabagabag na naman ni Jeonghan ang isipan niya.

Si Jeonghan naman kasi, sabi niya 15 minutes lang siyang mawawala to grab their dinner on the way, kaso magda-iisang oras na itong wala. 

Sino ba naman kasing hindi mag-aalala? Wala pang dalang payong dahil saglit lang naman daw siya. Nakipagtalo pa naman si Jeonghan kanina bago umalis at sinasabing si Sehun na lang ang bumili ng pagkain nila. 

Gabi na, baka kung napano na naman si Jeonghan sa daan.

_ ‘Yun, _ and syempre, may pusang kanina pa ngawngaw nang ngawngaw sa condo nila. 

“Hay, _ Jeonghan.” _ Sehun sighs and stands up, pinulot niya ang kuting na nasa lapag para ipatong sa hita niya pagkaupo niya sa sofa sa unit nila. “ _ At ikaw naman _ , ano bang kailangan mo?” Pakikipag-usap niya sa pusa. “Ang dami mong pagkain tsaka laruan, abuso ka na ah.”

Ngumiyaw lang ito nang ngumiyaw,  _ ayaw niya kay Sehun _ . Medj. _ Understandable, have a good day,  _ Sehun mentally says sa pusa at inilapag ito sa tabi niya sa sofa. Itetext sana niya si Jeonghan kung nasan na ito pero biglang bumukas ang pintuan sa condo nila. 

Basang-basa si Jeonghan from the rain. 

Halos tumulo siya from head to toe, “Hoy,” he calls out to Jeonghan na nasa may pintuan pa lang. Basang-basa ito, his hair clinging to his face. Medyo nanginginig si Jeonghan, dahil malamig sa unit nila. 

Malas lang ni Jeonghan dahil hindi niya aakalaing bubuhos ang ulang sobrang lakas nung siya ang nakatoka na bumili ng dinner nila ni Sehun. Malas niya dahil hindi tumitila ang ulan at alam niyang magugutom na si Sehun kung maghihintay pa siyang tumigil ang ulan kaya tinakbo niya na lang, nang walang payong. 

At malas lang ni Sehun dahil hindi niya maiwasang matitigan ang mukha ni Jeonghan, pababa sa leeg nito, maging hanggang sa damit netong hapit na sa katawan kung saan basang-basa itong kumakapit sa balat niya. Jeonghan raises his head and agad na iniwas ni Sehun ang tingin niya. _ “What _ ?” Masungit na sagot ni Jeonghan sa kanya. “Tinitingin-tingin mo dyan?” 

Oo nga pala, he said  _ hoy  _ bago siya nadistract. “Bakit ang tagal mo?”

And with that Jeonghan scoffs and padabog na winasiwas ang basang buhok niya para matalsikan si Sehun. “Huy, ano ba?” Sehun reprimands him dahil nababasa na rin siya dahil kay Jeonghan. 

“Kasalanan mo ‘to, diba sabi ko ikaw na muna bumili sa labas, edi sana hindi ako ‘yung naabutan ng ulan!” Dire-diretsong tirada ni Jeonghan sa kanya habang binabasa siya neto. 

Sehun shield his face sa pambabasa ni Jeonghan bago nagpunta ng restroom, sinalubong niya si Jeonghan at kinuha ang bitbit nitong pagkain mula sa mga kamay ni Jeonghan. “Maligo ka na, baka magkasakit ka pa. Paglabas mo, kakain na tayo.” 

Sehun places the dry towel sa ibabaw ng ulo ni Jeonghan with one hand,  _ “Thank you,” _ he says, dahil lumabas si Jeonghan para sa pagkain nila tonight.

Sehun walks to the kitchen and sees na medyo nagtagal si Jeonghan sa pagkakatayo sa gitna ng living room nila bago nagpunta sa CR. 

Agad na tinalon ng pusa ang counter kung saan nag-aayos ng pagkain si Sehun matapos niyang initin ito, “Enzo, kumain ka na, ah. Swapang ka, ah. Baba na d’yan,” pambubugaw niya rito. 

Sehun prepares the food sa counter kung saan siya nakasandal. Lumabas si Jeonghan a few minutes, in his fresh set of pantulog at dumiretso sa kusina to grab his bowl. “Inaaway mo na naman si Enzo,” sabi nito kay Sehun. 

“Ikaw din naman,  _ inaaway mo si Enzo _ .” Sehun says to him, pertaining sa sarili niya. 

Jeonghan makes a face mocking him bago dumiretso sa other side ng counter para kunin ang pagkain niya. Lumakad ito sa sala para umupo sa lapag at ipatong ang food sa coffee table nila. Sehun follows, carrying his food at umupo sa sofa sa likuran ni Jeonghan. 

Sehun stops eating for a while at inilapag ang kanya sa tabi ng pagkain ni Jeonghan. He takes the small towel na nakalagay sa leeg ni Jeonghan at tinuyo ang buhok ng bestfriend with the towel. 

Jeonghan hums, eyes still glued to his phone habang kumakain. “Is this how you make it up to me?” Jeonghan says with his mouth still full with food. Binatukan siya slight ni Sehun habang tinutuyo neto ang buhok niya. 

“Naawa ako, kamukha mo ‘yung pusa nung unang gabi niya dito.” Sehun says while still drying Jeonghan’s medyo long na rin na buhok. “And stop feeding Enzo table food, ang baho na ng jebs niya, I’m pretty sure naaamoy na ng kapitbahay from the balcony.” 

Natigilan tuloy si Jeonghan sa pag-aabot ng maliliit na bites sa pusa. Nakikita pala siya ni Sehun kahit patago ito. Sehun’s warming up to the cat, huh. 

“No, hindi ako nagwawarm-up sa pusa, ayoko lang mahuli ng maintenance ang mahal-mahal ng penalty, pang-ilang strike na natin ‘to sa admin.” Sehun says habang inilalagay ang towel sa balikat ni Jeonghan ulit para makakain na siya ulit. 

Napalingon sa kanya si Jeonghan dahil parang nabasa nito ang nasa isip niya. That was weird, he thinks. So after niyang kumain ay inilagay niya na ang pinagkainan niya sa kitchen. Pero ang likot-likot ng pusa na nagcclaw sa mga paa niya so he kind of bends down. 

And Sehun almost chokes on his food. 

Si Jeonghan naman kasi, bigla-biglang tumutuwad para buhatin ang pusa. Umiwas ng tingin si Sehun and continued eating his food. Ang lala, what was that? Suddenly, Sehun remembers how beautiful Jeonghan looked despite being drenched in the rain kanina. How his cheeks were a little flushed after taking a warm shower after. 

_ Tangina.  _

Sehun mentally shakes the image out of his head. 

_ Tangina. Tangina. Tangina.  _

This has to stop. 

Like,  _ seryoso.  _ He needs to stop looking at Jeonghan this way dahil never naman silang mapupunta sa ganon, never naman masusuklian ni Jeonghan ang nararamdaman niya. 

And kailangan na ni Sehun tigilan ang kahibangan niya, it’s not gonna happen... Sehun and Jeonghan? They’re never gonna happen.

Sehun is determined to do whatever it takes to forget his unrequited feelings for god know’s how long na. He’s determined to do everything para lang bumalik sa mga panahong mahal niya lang si Jeonghan, as a friend, and nothing more. 

He can do that. 

Divine intervention came in the form of a  _ cute, dimpled-Bedan  _ na dapat ig-ghost niya. 

_ He can and he will.  _


	2. when i get through this, i hope i get through you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: drunk driving!! pls don't do that ok this is a work of fiction DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE susumbong ko kayo kay lord.

The loud blaring iOS alarm felt like a hammer was literally being hit sa likod ng ulo ni Jeonghan ngayon. He moans and groans, because it’s early. Alam niyang maaga pa kasi 1 hour early ang mga alarm niya. He needs that extra hour para tumulala sa kisame, because he’s built like that. He needs that extra hour to re-think his decisions,  _ like why he’s studying Med, for example. _

“Pao,” he hears someone groan. “Pao!” Sigaw neto sa kanya before he hears padded footsteps across their floor.  _ “Pao, puta, turn your alarm off.”  _

Jeonghan ignores him and snuggles closer to the wall clutching his bolster, isang napakahabang hotdog pillow. _ “Mmmno,” _ he says. “I’m meditating.”

He feels a foot shake him sa likod ng hita niya, “Ako na lang gigising sayo mamaya, just stop snoozing it.” Ang sabi niya,  _ “Ang aga-aga mo mag-alarm, eh, di ka naman bumabangon.”  _

“Enzo, shut up. It’s 7:00 am, ang aga pa para manermon ka.” Jeonghan tries to cover his face with his duvet para man lang maitaboy si Sehun. “Wake me up before 8:00 am.” he says as his voice trails off.

He feels Sehun lean down para hanapin kung nasaan sa kama ang phone ni Jeonghan, which were literally under the covers and under Jeonghan. It was digging right under his side. He feels Sehun’s hand slip right under, medyo nadilat siya kasi nakiliti siya. “Sehun Laurence!” Sigaw niya bigla quickly lying on his back trapping Sehun’s hand underneath.

_ “Aray, puta,” _ Sehun exclaims, “I was just getting your phone!”

“Nangingiliti ka eh,” he says accusingly, “Oo na, gising na.” 

Suddenly, Jeonghan becomes aware- like super extra hyper aware of how close Sehun was as his arm was still under Jeonghan. Ang lapit ng mukha ni Sehun, and he takes in everthing. How Sehun Laurence looks so... fresh? Sa umaga? Walang hilamos?  _ Unfair. _ Wala rin siyang dark circles kahit mas madalas siyang mapuyat, at maagang nagigising. “Pao, ang bigat mo, you’re literally crushing my arm.” 

And just like that, the moment was gone. 

“Ang kapal ng mukha mo,” Ganti ni Jeonghan sa kanya crushing Sehun’s arm more. Sehun yelps and pulls it out, akmang bibigwas kunware si Sehun sa kanya with his lower lip caught in between his teeth, his gigil face. Jeonghan makes a face and sticks his tongue out. 

“Turn your alarm off kung gising ka na,” Sehun says. 

“Fine,” Jeonghan says and looks at Sehun’s retreating figure. His back, broad at hapit na hapit ang suot nitong itim na t-shirt. Jeonghan’s eyes travel down to his bottoms, he was wearin an old pj bottoms na may patterns pang sisiw. 

_ Bagay _ . Mukha ngang sisiw si Sehun minsan. Jeonghan’s reminded of the little yellow chicks on the umbrella na tinititigan niya that fateful night.  _ Right _ . 

Anyway, he grumbles and pinilit niya ring kunin ang phone na nasa ilalim niya. He turns all of the alarms off at nagcheck ng notifs. He dismisses every text, he kind of stalled for a moment habang nakatitig sa unknown number.  _ Riiiight.  _

Binigay nga pala niya number niya dun sa nanghingi last time, tatanggihan sana niya but ang dami niyang kasama sa table and that would be embarrassing for the guy... at bilang anghel siya,  _ slight _ , he gave his number. 

Na medyo pinagsisisihan niya ngayon kasi kahit di niya nirereplyan ay lagi siyang binabati neto ng good morning. He takes a screenshot and sends it to his barkada GC,  _ “Remind me not to give my number na to anyone.” _ He says with three tirik mata emojis. 

He checks his calendar and groans,  _ fuck, _ sana maremind din siya kung bakit siya nagmed in the first place. Bakit ba siya nagsusunog ng kilay sa med school,  _ the fuck? _

_ “Taray, Mama Mary ‘yan?” _ Reply ni Irene sa chat niya.  _ “Sinong guy ‘to?” _

Jeonghan replies with more tirik mata emojis sa GC nila,  _ “Random guy I met at Tim’s.” _

There was a short reply from Baekhyun after neto mag-haha sa sinend niya,  _ “Naawa na naman I believe.” _

Jeonghan angry reacts at his message.  _ “Balik mo flash cards ko!”  _

He sits up from his bed and hears the shower running, nauna na si Sehun. It was like their morning routine, mauuna lagi ang bestfriend niya magshower to keep the bathroom warm kapag siya na ang maliligo sa umaga. 

Paglabas niya by the time he’s done, there’s going to be coffee and pancakes waiting for him sa mesa. One cup of coffee on his mug and the other on his tiny thermos na dinadala niya sa class, yung pancake medyo tustado and walang syrup, just sugar sprinkled above. 

Minsan naiisip ni Jeonghan how everything came to be, like, he can’t even remember kung paano nabuo ang set up na ganito. Para bang ang hirap-hirap i-trace ng mga bagay-bagay  _ kasi constant na si Sehun sa buhay niya since they were little kids.  _

Even until college, halos magkapalit na sila ng mukha. 

Hindi alam ni Pao kung paano nagsimula but  _ Sehun Laurence’s mere existence _ fits like a missing puzzle piece sa buhay niya kahit na araw-araw na lang silang nagbabangayan. 

_ Because that’s just how they are together.  _

Parang one day naisip ni Lord, _ “Alam niyo, they would be better together.”  _ Like, one whole functioning brain cell sila together, in which Sehun takes the majority of it. At least that’s what Jeonghan thinks. 

Whatever one lacks, the other makes up for it. 

Jeonghan stretches and opens the sliding door to their veranda to let the light and the polluted morning Manila air sa unit nila. Because that’s his routine, he picks the ashtray that was placed on the balcony and empties it on the trash can sa loob ng bahay. 

He sets it back to its place, and grabs his towel na nakasampay sa sampayan nila. Patapos naman na si Sehun in a while, there was soft purr na narinig ni Jeonghan and instantly he lights up. “Enzo, good morning!” He says as he pick up the stray,  _ the stray na hindi na nila pinamigay.  _

“Baho mo na ah,” He says scrunching his nose. “Ligo tayo mamaya?” 

The cat grumbles and pushes Jeonghan with its tiny paw, as if saying,  _ “Ibaba mo ako, hampaslupa.” _ so Jeonghan puts him down. “Mana ka sa tatay mo, junior ka nga niya napakasungit mo.” 

The cat meows and ignores Jeonghan,  _ aba, very Sehun nga.  _

He hears the bathroom door open and sees Sehun walking out, cotton shorts hanging low on his hips. Tinutuwalya neto ang buhok niya and heads straight for their tiny kitchen. “Puno na pala hamper,” sabi ni Sehun sa kanya as he was walking towards their shared bathroom, “Ikaw ba magpapalaundry o ako?”

“Ikaw na,” Jeonghan grumbles. 

Sehun hums, “Later pala, late ako uuwi. Might go out after my classes. Ikaw na magluto para sa sarili mo, malaki ka na.” Dagdag niya sa huli. 

“Halos 9:00 PM na tapos ng class mo, ah,” bati ni Jeonghan.

“I know,” Sehun adds.

Himala. Usually Sehun would add the “ _ Sama ka? _ ” after making kwento, or like making paalam. Like he needed Jeonghan’s permission. So, it was weird, hindi man lang siya inalok ni Sehun if he wanted to tag along. He was always like that, except for when-

_ “I’m going out on a date,” _ Sehun says nonchalantly, his whisk clinking with the bowl he was holding. 

Except for when he’s seeing someone... 

_ Oh? _

That makes sense. “Right,” Jeonghan says, “Well, sana hindi mo i-scare off. Try not to frown so much, mukha kang laging naghahamon ng suntukan.”

Sehun gives him a scoff, but it passed off as a laugh. “What time ka uwi?” Sehun says. 

“Mag-all nighter na lang ako sa Coreon.” Jeonghan says, “Need to study without distractions.”

Sana magets ni Sehun yung sinusubukang sabihin ni Jeonghan sa kanya ngayon, he’s explicitly saying-

_ “I’m not planning on taking him home, ano ba. _ ” He hears the pan sizzle and he smells butter, mixing with the strong scent of a clean after shave.  _ Very Sehun Laurence _ . Sehun continues, “So, go home after studying. Okay?”

Jeonghan doesn’t answer and heads for the bathroom. Shower time consisted lots of scrubbing and lots of deep thinking.  _ Hassle, puta _ . Just when he thought he was over and done with it? 

_ Akala ko ba over ka na sa pagseselos sa mga taong lumalapit sa kaibigan mo? _ He reprimands his self, letting the water embrace him in a warm hug,  _ Hindi lahat ng tao aagawin sayo bestfriend mo.  _

He slips into his usual white overalls before stepping out. Syempre, sumalubong agad sa kanya ang amoy ng lutong pancakes, aba extra special may hotdog at scrambled eggs pa. The smell almost gives him a sense of comfort mula sa mga pinag-iiisip niya kanina. 

They slip into the comfortable silence, with Sehun using his ipad like the morning paper habang humihigop ng kape, his glasses perched just at the tip of his nose. Jeonghan uses his phone habang sinustuff ang bunganga niya with the food. “Baon ako,” he says, “Tirhan mo ko pancakes.”

Sehun nods without looking up at him. “Sure,”

With that he takes his leave with Sehun reminding him dahil muntik na naman niya malimutan ang jug of water niya.  _ “Magdodoctor ka pero yung ginagawa mo, kapag ikaw nagka-UTI o kaya Gastritis.” _ is what he always says to Jeonghan. 

He kind of forgets about the date for the whole day bilang pre-occupied with the Pallor Case they’ve been assessing sa class with his friends. Even after, kung saan they were gathered and hunched over Irene’s iPad. 

“Puta, ang dami mong notes, are we even in the same class?” Josh groans.  _ “All I heard were Santi’s snores.”  _

Santi, Junhui Santiano looks at him sideways, “And it’s my fault now?  _ Sinong makulit na nagpumilit last night?”  _

Josh shushes him before spilling anything to their friends. Jeonghan hides his smile and coughs, “So, Case 12 from Doc Park,” he says trying to diver everyone’s attention. 

“All I heard was Jeonghan’s Hydroflask falling from time to time,” irap ni Irene sa kanya. He almost laughs, because he was so deep in thought sa class about his bestfriend’s date... and that he was anxious, he keeps shaking his leg and kicking his flask in the process. 

“Diagnosis?” Irene asks them. 

“Wait, sali ako, what are the symptoms?” Baekhyun asks from where he was standing. 

“Abdominal pain? What else?” Baekhyun asks them while putting a tray of a set of donuts,  _ “Patak-patak.”  _ Baekhyun opens his palm in front of his friends, humihingi ng ambag sa mga kaibigan niyang kuripot.

Irene continues, “Abdominal pain, intermittent but no pattern. Bowel’s are good, abdomen’s non-tender non-rigid. Triple-contrast CT scans were normal. Also, no fever.”

Jeonghan yawns, “Try Laparascopic, baka may Chronic Mesenteric Ischemia, every lab result: normal. Wala sa scans. You really need to get a Laparascopic exam.”

“Patient had no history of any Vascular problem,” Joshua answers him.

“Pero, nagfit sa symptoms.”

Irene nods, “Correct.” she says. “Luh, you were zoning out the whole time kanina ah. Bakit nakakasagot ka?”

Jeonghan taps his head,  _ “Matalino.” _ He smugly says before reaching for a donut, pero tinapik ni Baekhyun ang kamay niya. “Kapal mo, magbayad ka munang singkwenta sa ambag.” Sabi neto sa kanya. So, kahit labag sa loob niya, he gives his share of fifty pesos.

“Chronic Mesenteric Ischemia,” Junhui starts, “if untreated, blood flow seizes mabubulok ang tissues, septic patient,  _ babye patient. _ ” 

“Yep, patient died. Anyway, anong balita sa pusa mo?” Irene closes her iPad switching from a patient death to Jeonghan’s cat as if the topics were similar, “You sure you don’t want me to give it to a friend?”

Jeonghan shakes his head, “Nope,” he continues,  _ “I like Enzo.” _

The clinking of the forks and knives on their plates stopped habang kumakain silang donuts. Irene, who was reaching for a piece too, biglang huminto sa pag-abot. Baekhyun raises one of his brows, “Oh?” 

“The cat.”

“Pinangalan mo pangalan ni Enzo sa pusa?” Josh almost laughs. 

“Well, I was kind off...  _ shocked for you to be admitting that out in the open. _ ” Irene says, umagree naman si Baekhyun by adding, “Akala ko nga narealize niya na, eh.” 

“You like Enzo?” Junhui asks them. 

_ “He does.” _ Sabay-sabay silang nagsalita. 

“Enzo  _ the cat. _ ” Jeonghan adds stuffing his face with more food. 

There was a chorus of  _ “sure”s _ and “ _ luh _ ”s from his friends. They kind of dispersed, minding their own businesses now and ignoring Jeonghan’s sharp, squinting of his eyes sa mga direksyon nila na para bang nagbabanta. 

_ “Although,” _ he starts and then suddenly his friends crowded over him, almost huddling, waiting for the chika. Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “Hindi ko talaga magets. Like, sometimes, like super rare I feel like... he likes me back? And I know it sounds crazy, but like, hear me out: _ I saw him staring at my lips once over breakfast.” _

“Like how Irene’s been staring at your lips right now?” Josh says.

Jeonghan nods, nakatitig nga si Irene. “Yeah, ganyan na ganyan.  _ Huy, teh, kilabutan ka _ .” He pretends na kinikilabutan siya sa titig ni Irene.

“That’s because baboy ka kumain, you literally have chocolate on your mouth and hindi mo man lang maramdaman. Maybe that’s just it.” Irene gives him a piece of tissue. “Anyway, continue.”

“So, maybe it’s all in my head. But  _ what if? _ You know?” Sabi niya lang. 

“Diagnosis?” Josh copies Irene’s voice sa tuwing nag-aaral sila. 

_ “Diagnosis: tanga ka,” _ Baekhyun says to him, “All those years together, you finally realize you like him?”

Maybe this was the perfect time to open up? Mahaba pa naman ang gabi, he wasn’t planning on going home anyway. _ “May aaminin ako.” _

No one answered and encouraged Jeonghan to speak more, “Undergrad, when Cheol and I broke up... I think, nagkaroon ng  _ moment?” _

“Maybe it’s all in my head ulit, I asked him that night kung masaya siya with his boyfriend that time. He said, yes, pero I’ve known him since we were kids and that didn’t convince me.” He sighs and drinks his coffee before continuing, “That night, I was supposed to kiss him. Alam niyo ‘yun?  _ To confirm _ ?” 

“Oh, tapos?” 

_ “Nothing happened, actually.” _ He puts it out there, “Nakatulog ako agad. But that night, nakatulog ako sa dibdib niya. Woke up with a terrible stiffed neck.”

“So saan patutunguhan neto, napakahaba wala naman palang nangyari.” Reklamo ni Irene.

“All I’m saying is,” Jeonghan tries to get the right words out of his chest,  _ “May moment.” _

He stuffs his face with more food than usual, he tries not to think too much about Sehun and his date tonight. They’re probably drinking something fancy, stark contrast with their usual Pale Pilsen nights sa condo. He probably bought his date some fancy wine. 

He tries not to think about all those nights na umiinom silang dalawa, pouring their hearts out sa isa’t-isa about how they make terrible lovers. Kawawa naman magiging mga syota nila. He’s constantly reminded na nasa labas si Sehun ngayon, probably having too much fun with someone else that isn’t him, hindi si Jeonghan na bestfriend niya. 

But that won’t change the fact that, meron, as much as he wants to convince himself that it was all in his head, or that is was normal. Normal for him to be feeling something else than friendship noon, but that’s just him being marupok, maybe. 

_ May moment.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jeonghan lifts his head up from his bed when he heard the door open. 

He’s back at their empty condo, he’s been sleeping lightly kasi iniintay niyang umuwi ang bestfriend and roommate niya.

He immediately got up and rushed towards the door, Sehun drank _ too much _ . Like, too much that Jeonghan scrunches his nose from the awful smell of mixed beer and something fruity. 

“Huy,” he slapped his face twice, “Paano ka nakauwi?”

Sehun raises his finger na nakasuot ang susi ng sasakyan neto. Jeonghan’s eyes widen bago niya tinulak-tulak si Sehun in his hold.  _ “Are you fucking kidding me,” _ he spats, with more anger than normal.  _ Tanga. _

Sehun just laughs and decided that he wasn’t drunk anymore, despite his gewang-gewang stance, and walks to his bed parallel to Jeonghan’s. Hindi man lang niya hinubad yung sapatos niya., but he discarded his bomber jacket and throws it to the floor bago niya ihagis ang sarili niya sa kama. 

“Sehun Laurence Oh, the third,” he angrily calls him, “Seryoso ka ba?”

Jeonghan picks the jacket up and stomps papunta sa direksyon ni Sehun, “Gising,” he kicks at his bed frame. Umungol si Sehun from the constant throbbing of his head kasabay ng pagsipa ni Jeonghan sa kama niya. “Shower ka, I’ll brew you coffee.  _ Tangina Sehun Laurence _ , mag-uusap tayo, isusumbong kita kay tita. Akala mo ba nakakatawa ‘yung ginagawa mo?”

Now Jeonghan walks to the bathroom para itimpla ang shower temperature and turning it off again, bago ito lumabas seeing how Sehun from lying down kanina ay slouching down now, with his elbows to his knees and his head on his hands. 

“Seriously?  _ Driving nang nakainom? _ ” He says to himself but it was loud enough para marinig ni Sehun... at ng pusang tulog,  _ oh, even their condo-neighbors too because it was 2 am in the morning _ . “Are you even thinking with your head,” he angrily plugs in their water heater para sa coffee. 

Sehun, tries to successfully make his way to the bathroom without making too much noise to attract Jeonghan’s attention. Ang sakit ng ulo niya sa alcohol and sa sermon. 

He just wants to sleep. 

“Gusto mo mag-abogado, ikaw nga tong dapat alam mo batas. May grab naman! But driving!” He shouts sa hangin and Sehun hears it,  _ “Driving under influence!”  _

Nagdadabog na si Jeonghan ngayon.

_ Sino ba kasi ‘yang ka-date niya at bakit pinayagan siyang umuwi nang lasing?  _ Bakit hindi niya pinigilan si Sehun? His nostrils felt like they were flaring nung naisip niyang at some point, ipapakilala ito ni Sehun sa kanya, and Jeonghan just wants to fight them. 

Silang dalawa ni Sehun. 

Because honestly?  _ Ang tanga-tanga lang. _

The french press does its work, and Jeonghan hears something heavy fall sa CR. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya,  _ what if nabagok na si Sehun?! _ He rushes inside and thankfully, it wasn’t locked. 

Sehun was on the floor, leaning over the bowl, na nakababa _... thank god _ , he was dozing off. His hair has been covering much of his face mula sa pagkakahiga niya leaning on the bowl.  _ Just how much did he drink?  _ Ni hindi nga siya nakapaghubad, his shirt was still hanging off of his right arm. 

Jeonghan takes the elastic sa wrist ni Sehun para itali ang buhok nito for him. He needs the hair away from Sehun’s face.

On his right hand, nakahawak siya sa toothbrush niya. 

Jeonghan sighs and grabs it from his hand, siya na ang naglagay ng toothpaste dito. He prepares cups, too, for Sehun. _ “Open mo mouth mo,” _ he whispers softly while holding Sehun’s chin with his left hand. 

“You smell like puke, saan ka sumuka?” He mentally prays to whoever is up there na sana hindi siya sumuka sa elevator because wala na siyang allowance to pay for more penalties sa condo. Sehun says something along the lines of, _ “7/11, parking.”  _ He just sighs, shakes his head, and continues with what he was doing. 

Both of them were just sitting on the bathroom floor. 

Sehun’s breath was awful, bukod sa amoy sumuka ito, amoy na amoy niya ang yosi from him and his clothes. “Ah.  _ Sehun Laurence, wag makulit, _ say ah,” he opens his mouth para gayahin siya nito.

Sehun lets his jaw lax, Jeonghan brushes his teeth for him, making sure to care for every nook and cranny. Sehun’s eyes open for a fraction of a second and meets Jeonghan’s eyes through his half-lidded gaze. For a moment, natigilan si Jeonghan with his hand stalling, too. 

Pero he ignores it at itinuloy ang ginagawa niya. 

For a fleeting second, kumabog ang dibdib ni Jeonghan. 

“Water, magmumog ka.” He says grabbing the cup and and empty one para duraan ni Sehun. Sehun follows every utos, inalalayan pa siya ni Jeonghan patayo. Inalalayan niya si Sehun para umupo sa dining. “Wag ka matutulog.” 

Sehun nods. 

Jeonghan comes back with a fresh set of clothes at may hawk itong basin na may warm water. “I’m gonna wash you up, okay.” Pagpapaalam niya dito and hindi alam ni Jeonghan paano magsisimula. 

Sehun was sitting on one of the seats, si Jeonghan naman umupo siya sa mesa, or his ass was just leaning sa table nila.

He was now aware of the fact that Sehun was topless, red spreading from his chest dahil nakainom ito. He shakes all of his thought away and wipes Sehun’s face first with the towel. Napansin niyang natanggal na rin ang pagkakatali ng buhok nito.

Napaungol si Sehun at the contact.  _ “Good, yeah?” _ Jeonghan chuckles at the tiny whimper na binitawan ni Sehun leaning into his hands and the towel, parang pusa. “Teka, let’s get the rest of you cleaned. Gusto mo na ba ng coffee?”

Sehun shakes his head. 

Pupunasan sana ni Jeonghan ang leeg at dibdib ni Sehun kaya lang bigla itong yumakap sa bewang niya from where he was sitting. Nakayakap lang ito, arms circling his waist into a tight hug and he feels Sehun’s breath on his clothed tummy. 

_ “Enzo,” _ he whispers prying Sehun off of him. 

“Pao,” there it was. It sounded like a pained call, _ “Pao,” _

Jeonghan’s heart was beating so hard, so pries himself na lang since ayaw ni Sehun. He coughs and inalalayan niya si Sehun to his bed, hiniga niya ito quickly wiping him with him kneeling on the floor sa tabi ng kama neto. He tries to ignore the beating of his heart na hindi sixty to a hundred beats per minute, it was beating too much, that’s for sure. 

_ What the fuck kasi, _ bakit ba kasi kumakabog dibdib niya?

He stands up, kukunin sana niya ang damit na ipapalit niya kay Sehun when he was pulled with so much force na he toppled over Sehun.

They were close, too close for Jeonghan’s comfort. Hindi rin nakakatulong na mas mabilis na lalo ang kabog ng dibdib niya kumpara kanina. 

His weight was being supported by his hands on either side of Sehun’s head. 

“Pao,” he hears Sehun again.  _ “God, Pao, I’m so stupid.” _

Jeonghan softens at that, what exactly did happen para magkaganito si Sehun?  _ Sino ba yung ka-date nito and why is Sehun so broken?  _

With half-lidded eyes, Sehun was looking up at him, his mouth kept opening and closing as if he was thinking about what to say. Swallowing a lump on his throat, he calls him again, _ “Pao, I’m thinking of doing something stupid again.” _

From under him, Sehun looked... really, really good? Madilim sa unit nila, but he could see the way his eyes, though half-lidded, glistened from the only light source na nasa may doorway. 

His hair, god, his hair. Each strand, fineframe ang mukha ni Sehun, they were long now. And they were cascading softly, pababa sa noo, sa may tenga, at sa may leeg nito. 

Jeonghan’s confused now, and kelan ba siya bibitawan ni Sehun when he’s been straddling Sehun’s left thigh right now. “Hindi kita gets, what do you m-”

Bigla siyang natigilan when his lips were caught in between Sehun’s, mid-sentence. 

_ Holy shit _ . 

He was frozen. If it was biologically,  _ anatomically possible _ , his heart rate’s probably like 10 times the normal heart rate. 

And then there he was, kumakabog ang dibdib and all, above Sehun meeting his kiss. He angles his head to get a good nip at Sehun’s lower lip.  _ It feels good, really really good _ . Sehun’s a good kisser pala. He knows what to do with his hands, softly caressing Jeonghan’s nape. 

Jeonghan’s hands became busy too, yung isa naka-alalay sa bigat niya, the other on his Sehun’s hair, pads of his fingertips slow-dancing on Sehun’s scalp.

_ “Pao,” _ Sehun whispers against his lips when they detached their lips to get a better angle at kissing. Also, the fucking cat meows. Looking at them, with its head tilted to the side. “Pao,  _ please,”  _

And just like that, sa millisecond non, Jeonghan scurries off of him. 

_ Para siyang napaso.  _

Without looking back, he runs off. 

To where? He doesn’t really know. 

He’s left his phone sa kama niya and he’s literally running empty-handed. 

  
All he had with him was his beating heart...  _ a very confused, rapidly beating heart.  _


	3. and i wonder if i ever cross your mind? (for me it happens all the time)

_“What the fuck,”_ Chanyeol says to him for the first time that morning. Taking note of the french press still on the counter, a fresh pair of clothes sa dining table, and Sehun looking like he’s been through hell and back. 

Also, there’s a cat clawing at his Stan Smith’s, “Yo, get off,” he says to the cat. He looks back at Baekhyun, who looks just as confused... and naaawa kay Sehun. 

_“Why is Chino here,”_ he mumbles and faces the wall from where he was lying down. Halos mapamura siya nang mahilo siya sa ginawa niya, _fucking hangover_ . As if hindi pa siya punong-puno ng regrets, he has to suffer from a migraine, too. _Great._

“Well, Chino is here,” Baekhyun marches papunta sa kama ni Jeonghan and searches for his phone and wallet na nakapatong sa study table nito, “as moral support sana, pero ayaw mo yata. _Now, Chino is leaving._ ” Baekhyun says as if he was talking to a child. 

Baekhyun tiptoes and kisses Chanyeol on the cheek bago ito nagglance kay Sehun, “I’m leaving na, Poch, you take care of him, ako na sa isa.” He says sighing. Baekhyun shakes his head as if he was disappointed. 

Chanyeol and Sehun hears the door close and biglang humarap na si Sehun sa kanya, “Poch, I fucked up. I kissed Jeonghan, fuck. Ang lala,”

“Yeah, you did. _Fucked up big time,_ ” he says, crossing his arms. “Also, not talking to you until you shower, grabe nagseseep sa balat mo yung amoy ng alak. Kadiri.” 

With that, naabutan ni Sehun na nakaupo sa maliit na sala si Chanyeol obviously too big for the condo furniture like Sehun. He plops down on the tiny sofa beside Chanyeol and napansin niya lang ang dala nitong supot. 

Chanyeol pushes it to his direction, “Lugaw, also Berocca and Kremil-S, bahala ka na.” He says, “I’m not even gonna ask how it happened, I’m just gonna ask you why you did it. So, out of all the days, years, _anong tumama sayo at hinalikan mo si Jeonghan?”_

_What?_

He could’ve sworn he was pouring his heart out kagabi, wala bang lumabas sa bibig niya the whole time? _What the fuck._

That explained why Jeonghan ran off. 

Jeonghan was reciprocating the kiss, _for sure,_ but that’s probably because he didn’t know what else to do. He did run away though, sure din siya dun. 

“I don’t know,” Sehun says, _“Poch, I swore to myself na ayoko na.”_

“Mmhmm,” Chanyeol says to him eyes still glued to his phone. “Pasalamat ka, kay Chino kumatok si Jeonghan Paolo last night.”

Sehun asked him kung paano nakarating si Jeonghan sa kanila, he walked daw. Una niyang pinuntahan si Josh and Junhui but they weren’t home then, nasa labas yata studying. _“Your bestfriend barged in while Chino was giving me head.”_

Sehun makes a face, “Gross,” he says, “Anong ginagawa niya kagabi? _Galit ba siya?”_

“Oh, he was far from angry. He looked lost, literal. Also he didn’t sleep, like at all, he kept tossing and turning sa couch hindi rin kami nakatulog.”

“Hindi ko talaga alam bakit ko ginawa ‘yun,” he admits. “I swear, I remember driving the guy I met back to his condo, and then I- he asked me if I wanted to come up to his unit.” 

Chanyeol was looking at him now, interested. _“I declined,_ sabi ko I needed to be somewhere, I remember drinking again after that when we clearly had a few drinks na. _I don’t even know how I got home.”_

“Nagdrive ka nang nakainom, for sure you were speeding at Taft,” Chanyeol says to him, “Alam mo, di naman ako naiinis na you finally _manned up_ , maybe took the initiative to kiss Jeonghan to sort your feelings out, _but you were drunk._ Nagmaneho kang lasing, _you should be ashamed of yourself.”_

“But, I didn’t die,” he says in a matter-of-factly tone.”Died of embarrassment, pwede pa.” 

“You didn’t, but you could’ve killed someone else that night because you were so fucking stupid and reckless. Consolation prize sa tangang tulad mo ang takbuhan ni Jeonghan. And stop making it like a joke,” panenermon sa kanya neto, “You better not do shit like that again, ako mism magsusumbong sa tatay mong abogado.” 

Sehun takes his time to actually think about what the fuck came to him para maging ganon kapabaya last night. Not only did he drive Jeonghan away, now he has to explain to his parents... that is if anyone made sumbong already. He narrows his eyes at Poch.

_“Fuck,”_ he presses the heel of his palms on his eyes. Tangina, may hangover pa siya. 

What was he supposed to do now? _Paano naman niya ‘to aayusin?_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Resolution came sooner than expected, with Jeonghan coming home that same night, _acting like nothing happened._ He jumped beside Sehun kung saan nakaupo ito, lounging on the couch. 

Sehun doesn’t move and neither does Jeonghan. _Wala ring nagsalita._

Except for Jeonghan who had his mouth open and close for a few times, parang tinitimpla kung ano ang gusto niyang sabihin. 

Sehun offered him the pack of chips na kanina pa niya kinakain, to which Jeonghan gladly accepted, taking it from his hands. 

The pack of chips were returned to Sehun at tumayo na si Jeonghan, going through their fridge and gives Sehun a pack of his milk from his _Pao’s Milk Stash, Don’t Touch_ section. Sehun takes one from his hands at naramdaman niyang tumabi ito sa kanya ulit. 

Wala man lang words na na-exchange.

Just the both of them slipping into the comfort of their silence, like an unspoken forgiveness for whatever took over them last night. 

Enzo the cat seemed to love it too, gumitna pa ang pusa sa kanilang dalawa before curling into a ball. 

He really needs to fix whatever this is, whatever’s going on between them. 

_But first, loose ends._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jeonghan hated it. 

_A lot._

Wala ba talaga siyang maalala? 

It’s been a few days since that happened, and wala pa ring nagbabanggit sa kanila about it. He was supposed to say something kay Sehun nung bumalik siya noon, but he couldn’t. 

From Baekhyun’s kwento, Sehun was just nursing a hangover that morning. _So like, he probably doesn’t remember anything..._

Gusto siyang sabunutan ni Jeonghan for that, responsibilidad niya ang pusong ayaw magpatulog noon, responsibilidad ni Sehun ‘yun!!! 

Gusto talaga siyang sabunutan ni Jeonghan sa maganda niyang buhok, mahaba, marami-rami isang dakot kung sakali. _Leche ka, Sehun Laurence Oh III!!!_

Pero next time na niya sasabunutan si Sehun. Preferably not while he’s preparing Jeonghan’s breakfast and baon, also his coffee. Jeonghan leaves for school that morning still thinking about Sehun’s hair... _and how it felt to hold it._

Padabog na pinindot ni Jeonghan ang elevator buttons pababa sa lobby. 

_Tangina mo, Sehun,_ he thinks to himself. _Sumabay ka pa sa Finals Week!!!_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Dami ko na problema, dadagdag ka pa?_ Jeonghan thinks to himself. Pagod na pagod na siya from his clerkships, and the lectures... kaya deserve na deserve ni Jeonghan ngayon ang hawak niyang bote ng beer na ice cold red horse at mikropono naman sa kabila. 

They’re somewhere in Timog, far from school and his condo, because _fuck that!_ Salamat na lang sa sasakyan ni Irene na SUV at nakarating sila kung saan-saan. (Not without manong though, _“Manong where are you we’re waiting na in front of Robinsons!”_ Ginaya niya sa utak niya si Irene habang nagpapasundo.)

Nasa old, dingy KTV bar sila ngayon, kaya may hawak na beer at mic, _This Guy’s in Love with You’s_ minus one blasting sa speakers ngayon. _“Ang tawag niya sa mommy ko ay tita!!”_ Jeonghan shouts at the mic before taking a swig of beer. 

No, hindi siya lasing. At least not yet. 

He would like that, though. Gusto niyang malasing, kasi hanggang ngayon kada pumipikit siya nakikita niya si Sehun from under him. _He’s just so confused..._ bestfriend niya kaya si Sehun since they were children. And akala niya it was sorted out already as a stupid _moment of weakness_ lang?

Also, long and gone na ang slight feelings na nararamdaman niya kay Sehun. Matagal na niyang nilibing ‘yun, _hence the relationships after relationships after another relationship._ He swears, matagal nang nakalibing ‘yung part na ‘yun ng buhay niya. 

The McDo Faura is the sole witness... 

And just like that, umuwing lasing si Sehun and then what? _Suddenly, bumalik ang feelings?_ Eh lasing naman si Sehun nun, the kiss probably meant nothing. Maybe, he read it all wrong. 

_Lahat._

Ni-hindi pa nga nabbring-up ang gabing ‘yon, they just went back to their old routine, na para bang walang nangyari that night. _The fuck?_ Nilaklak tuloy ni Jeonghan ang alak na natitira sa bote ng red horse na hawak niya. 

Hindi na nga niya tinapos ang kanta, he sits down para pumulutan. “Goods pa?” Josh gives him half a hug habang nakaupo sila, with his head leaning on Jeonghan’s shoulder. He leans his head on his friend’s head too, “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

He was _goods,_ parang hindi naman umeepekto yung alak na iniinom niya. 

Taylor Swift was blasting through the speakers, on queue, _like ten of them..._ and Jeonghan’s reminded of all the times they went to Pansol or Rizal para sa magswimming, uminom, at umiyak over failed relationships. 

Failed relationships because he just can’t seem to find that _something,_ hindi niya mahanap ang rason kung bakit hindi siya masaya. And now, maybe, just maybe he’s finally _clearly_ seeing the reason _why._

Hindi na alam ni Jeonghan kung nakakailang bote na siya ng beer, but he can’t even feel anything. Walang sipa, walang kahit ano. So, he opens another one, a hand was placed above his braso, “Pang-ilan mo na ‘yan?” Tanong ni Irene.

“I lost count,” sabi niya, “Ano ba, pumunta tayo dito para uminom tapos pipigilan mo ako?”

The bitterness meets his lips and he sighs through his nose. The minus-one from the karaoke mocks him, of course, kahit hindi naman para sa kanya he’s going to assume na lang. _“And I wonder if I ever cross your mind? For me it happens all the time.”_ It was Baekhyun singing softly through the mic. 

_Whatever,_ he thinks. His phone lights up with a message from Sehun, all from different platforms. One was a reply sa IG story niya, isa sa messenger, and isa pa sa iMessage. _“Where ka?”_

Jeonghan doesn’t reply, but he sends him a picture. Picture ni Baekhyun screaming sa mic habang nakahawak sa tenga in an attempt to whistle along to Ariana. Nagreply lang si Sehun ng tatlong laughing emoji at isang _“Ingat.”_

_“Text ka kapag wala ka mabook na grab, sundo kita if ever. I’m out din, eh.”_ The second message read. 

Hindi na siya nagreply ulit, ayan na naman siya. Was this Sehun being a friend to him? He throws his phone sa tabi niya bago niya nilagok ang halos kalahati pa ng bote na hawak niya. “Easy,” bati sa kanya ng mga kaibigan niya habang pinapanood siya ng mga ito. 

“Ano na bang nangyari? May nangyari ba?” Tanong ni Junhui sa kanya sitting down on the coffee table in front of them, pushing aside ang mga bote at bukas na chichirya sa harap ni Jeonghan. “Hindi ka pa rin nagkukwento.”

Jeonghan hears feedback mula sa pagkakalapag ng mic sa mesa, the echo and reverb sa pagkakalapag dito and sees his friends huddling kung saan siya nakaupo. “Wala,” he says.

“Hindi ka naman magkakaganyan kung wala eh,” paalala ni Joshua sa kanya, tinatabi ang boteng aabutin sana ni Jeonghan. “Tell us na kasi, ito naman parang di tropa.”

With a sigh, “Fine,” Jeonghan says, _“We kissed.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_“Gago?”_

That was all Junhui said. 

“Hanggang ngayon, wala siyang sinasabi?” Josh asked, “Eh, he probably can’t remember anything.”

“Bullshit,” Irene says, out of character sa totoo lang, _“You could be blackout drunk but you’ll still remember bits and pieces, ‘no.”_

“I _know,_ that’s what I’ve been saying!” Pagbaback up ni Baekhyun dito. “Also, Poch never really mentioned anything to me after niya magpunta sa unit niyo that morning, eh. So, sorry, magsasabi naman ako kapag may alam ako.” 

Jeonghan smiles at them, “Okay lang, ano ba,” pangungumbisi niya, “This will probably buried as a memory na ayaw mo nang balikan, ever.” Natatawa siya nang kaunti. 

“Umamin ka nga, may gusto ka talaga kay Sehun, ‘no?” It was Irene.

Hindi alam ni Jeonghan ang isasagot, “ _He’s my bestfriend.”_

They didn’t look convinced sa sagot ni Jeonghan, so he continues, “I don’t know?” halatang-halata an confusion sa boses ni Jeonghan pati na sa itsura niya, “Maybe? I don’t really know... hindi ko alam na meron, hindi ko alam how it happened,”

May sighing in unison siyang narinig before looking at them sa mga mata nila bago niya tinuloy, “I feel like, _yeah, I do._ But when I had those feelings hindi ko narecognize nung una na gusto ko siya. When Cheol and I broke up noon, I could’ve- I should’ve- _but I didn’t._ And I forgot about it, _I chose to forget about it instead.”_

“Yung kiss,” Baekhyun says to him, “You confirmed?”

Naibalik siya sa araw na pinag-uusapan nila ito, when he admitted na may moment. At oo, tama si Baekhyun, it wasn’t really a confirmation. It was something else, it made Jeonghan realize what he’s been doing all this time, _umiiwas._

The kiss was the dead-end.

Hindi na siya makakaiwas. 

He likes Sehun. 

Fuck, he really _really_ likes his bestfriend. 

_“Mag-CR ako,”_ sabi niya lang bigla. Standing up, he makes his way palabas sa rented room nila sa KTV bar na ito. He was suddenly aware of the alcohol’s effects, nanlambot ang tuhod niya when it hit him. _Lasing siya._

Idagdag pa ang sudden realization. 

Hindi niya alam na natumba na siya, holding himself with one hand. “Ano na,” natatawang alalay ni Josh sa kanya, “Kaya pa ba?”

Hindi na kaya ni Jeonghan, nahihilo siya, naiihi, at higit sa lahat, _“Fuck, I like him.”_

There was silence, huminto ang tunog ng minus one sa karaoke kanina pa at ang tanging naririnig na lang ni Jeonghan ay ang kumakabog niyang dibdib, at ang ulo niyang nagtthrob kasabay nito, he covers his mouth with one hand. _“Like, a lot. Fuck, gusto ko siya.._.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“All I’m saying is,” Sehun starts with that, “You’re a great guy, Yixing.”

Said guy raises an eyebrow, pero ngumiti ito showing his dimple. “I feel like may _but_ na kasunod ‘yan.”

“But I think it’s better if we stay as friends muna,” Sehun smiles sheepishly, unconsciously touching his hair na bumabagsak na in front of his eyes. _“I’m still g with the study dates, though.”_

Guy nods and pats him on the shoulder, _“It was worth a try, anyway.”_

It was. _Honestly._

Pero, not now. Not when Sehun doesn’t know kung saan siya nakatungtong ngayon. Kissing his bestfriend noong lasing siya was an _unknown teritory_ for him, hell, hindi niya nga alam how to approach the situation with Jeonghan he’s been walking on eggshells. 

The kiss probably meant nothing to Jeonghan for him to be forgetting about it easily, or to even ignore it. 

Nandito sila ngayon ni Yixing sa isang Resto Bar somewhere in Quezon City, Sehun orders a cocktail drink na hindi niya man lang makalahati because he still has to drive pauwi and masyado pang fresh ang alaalang nagdrive siya na lasing na lasing siya. 

He offered to drive Yixing pabalik sa condo nito, _more like he insisted,_ feeling niya kasi inaksaya niya oras ni Yixing when the guy kept on reassuring him that he didn’t and it _was_ worth the try. So, inside the car, he connects his phone dito.

Nahinto lang sila mag-usap habang nagmamaneho siya nang magring ang phone niya, Jeonghan’s name on the screen sa dashboard. His phone, also lighting up while it was placed sa may kambyo. Yixing probably saw Jeonghan’s contact photo. Tulog ito sa litrato, a close up shot from their dorm, nakanganga si Jeonghan na natutulog habang nakapeace sign si Sehun covering his own face with it na selfie. 

“Hey,” He answers agad as soon as he picked up pagkapindot niya. The phone was connected sa sasakyan niya, he looks at Yixing apologetically. Yixing gave him a smile as if saying it was _okay._

_“Sehun Laurence, may sasabihin ako, makinig ka- No! Give it back! Ano ba!”_ Jeonghan’s voice trailed off and was replaced with Chino’s, si Baekhyun, _“That was Jeonghan, lasing siya. Kami na mag-uuwi-”_

He was cut off when Sehun spoke over him, “Nasaan kayo?”

_“Morato,”_ Mabilis na sagot sa kanya ng kaibigan ni Jeonghan, Yixing gives him a look, a worried one as if saying something. 

“Pauwi na ako, dadaanan ko na lang siya,” Sehun says. “Please?” 

There was a long pause, a murmur of voices bago nagsalita si Chino, _“Yeah, okay, yeah. I’ll share our loc na lang.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hindi alam ni Jeonghan how the fuck it happened, or bakit pinayagan ng mga kaibigan niyang mangyari ito at all, ramdam na ramdam ni Jeonghan ang pagbaba ng tama niya as soon as he saw Sehun... with another guy na nakaupo sa passenger seat. 

_That’s my seat,_ he thinks to himself before hugging ang sarili and makes himself comfortable sa backseat ng Vios ni Sehun. _“Pao, wag ka susuka,”_ Paalala ni Sehun sa kanya when their eyes met at the rearview mirror.

He ignores him and pretends to sleep. 

_“Cute,”_ the guy says to Sehun. Narinig niyang natawa si Sehun bago nagsalita, _“Yeah, mas cute ‘yan pag ‘di nang-aaway.”_

They both laughed and kahit nakapikit si Jeonghan ay kumunot ang noo niya. _What’s so funny, anyway?_

Jeonghan doesn’t sleep at all, kahit nakapikit siya, nakikinig lang siya. Apparently, Law Student din ito just like Sehun and promises to send Sehun study materials from his Frat. He also tells him about good study hubs. 

Jeonghan mentally rolls his eyes. 

They stop at a place with the guys saying _bye_ and _thank you_ kay Sehun and how he’s still looking forward to their study dates together. From the backseat, at kahit nakapikit siya, alam niyang nililingon siya ni Sehun. _“Pao, you wanna move in front?”_

“Mm _no,_ ” he says still with his eyes closed. Ayaw niya makita si Sehun ngayon and if he has to close his eyes hanggang makarating sila sa unit nila kahit nangangapa siya? He’s gonna fucking close his eyes, _bet._

“Ginawa mo na naman akong Grab Driver mo, ah." 

He didn’t even open his eyes much, hindi niya tinignan ang itsura ng kasama ni Sehun just because he’s that type of person, petty and insecure. Kaka-admit niya lang sa sarili niya na gusto niya si Sehun and now, _may heartbreak agad_? 

Bad omen talaga, bad juju. Bad energy. 

The drive back to the condo was silent, except for when he opened his eyes mid-drive and he watched the lights form blurs from his eyes.

“Enzo?”

“Yeah?”

_“Nevermind.”_

When the car halts to a stop, nasa parking na sila ulit ng condo, Jeonghan recognizes when he opened his eyes. 

“You okay?” Tanong ni Sehun sa kanya habang inaayos nito ang mga gamit na ibababa niya from the car. Jeonghan doesn’t answer, and instead he sighs, tries to muster up all the courage.

“Was he the guy with you nung nagdrive kang nakainom?” He asks.

“Oh?” Sehun says, medyo nagulat, _“Yeah, that’s him.”_

“Okay.” Jeonghan says getting ready to go down, he looks for his bag when Sehun spoke, “I got them ako na magbitbit.”

Jeonghan doesn’t move, nasa likod pa rin siya ni Sehun na nakaupo sa driver’s seat. Hindi pa pinapatay ni Sehun ang makina ng sasakyan niya. _“Did you,”_ umpisa ni Jeonghan and Sehun looks back at him. He doesn’t look at Sehun and looks away, nakatitig lang siya sa malayo, just far off Sehun’s head. 

His eyes were unfocused but he sees Sehun’s face, kahit malabo, fuck... kumakabog uli dibdib niya. “Did you,” he continues, _“Did you kiss him, too? That night?”_

Hindi alam ni Jeonghan saan nanggaling ang tanong na yun so, he panicked, _“You know what? Nevermind,”_ he says before getting a reply, lumabas siya sa sasakyan. Totoo nga, nawala na lahat ng tama niya, because he feels everything now, kumpara kaninang manhid siya all over from the alcohol.

He feels the rushing of blood to his cheeks, he feels his hand get clammier and clammier with each passing second. Papunta na sana siya sa elevator sa parking when he felt a hand grab his wrist. “Pao, I’m sorry,” umpisa ni Sehun. 

_Oh._

“I’m sorry, I don’t- I,” Sehun hesitates for a few times, _“I don’t know what got over me,_ I just want to apologize. I know, it’s awkward and uncomfortable, _and it’s wrong-”_

_Oh._ “Wrong?” Jeonghan says, _“Now it’s wrong.”_

“Yeah, it’s not-” Sehun’s being cut off again.

Jeonghan scoffs, brushing his own hair out of frustration, _“Wrong.”_ He repeats, the word tastes vile inside his mouth, _“It’s wrong.”_

Sehun doesn’t talk, he looks at Jeonghan and searches for his eyes na patuloy lang umiiwas sa mga mata niya, nagpipigil ng luhan nagbabadyang tumulo. 

“You do all this shit, all this _shit_ that you know would make me _feel things_.” umpisa ni Jeonghan, “And _ang tanga-tanga ko lang,_ kasi of course, I’m your bestfriend you’re doing everything because _I,_ I’m your bestfriend.”

Jeonghan removes his arm na hinahawakan ni Sehun, he gets out of his hold with too much force, “And then you get a boyfriend from some other Law School, _go on stupid dates_ , and get drunk. And oh, yeah, drive habang nakainom! _What else, Enzo?”_ He swallows the lump in his throat, “Making me all worried, angry? For what? You could’ve been on an accident that night, naisip mo ba ‘yun?”

Sehun grabs his hand again pero iniwas niya ito, this time looking at Sehun straight in his eyes. Tears finally being let lose, padabog niyang pinunasan ito bago pa tumulo sa buong pisngi niya. “For nothing,” he repeats, “And then magsosorry ka, _sasabihin mo, mali?_ You kissed me that night, Sehun Laurence. _You_ kissed _me._ ”

“And I know it’s wrong,” Sehun repeats again and Jeonghan fights the urge para sapakin sa mukha si Sehun, an uppercut would be nice, or like isang sipa sa sikmura nito. But Jeonghan’s never been violent. Isang wrong pa.

Instead, he says: “Yeah? It’s _wrong_ because you don’t go kissing your bestfriend and pretending it didn’t happen, and what else? It’s wrong to go for more dates with your Law School boyfriend leaving me all confused and hurt, Sehun. _I’m hurt.”_

Sehun doesn’t say anything and pulls Jeonghan into a hug. Jeonghan’s hands were trapped between their chests, his hands curled into a fists. 

_“I’m hurt,”_ he repeats nang maramdaman ang mahigpit na yakap ni Sehun. “ _I’m hurt and worried._ What if I lost you then, ha?”

Sehun cradles his head with his other hand, now. “I’m sorry,” bulong ulit ni Sehun. “Pero tingin mo ba, hindi rin ako nasaktan? If the kiss meant anything to you, _you would’ve said something.”_

Jeonghan angrily looks up at him from being hugged close, “ _Tangang-tanga ka ba?_ ” He angrily says, “You were _drunk.”_

“But you weren’t.” Sehun says. “You should’ve stopped me.”

“How is this my fault?” Jeonghan was offended, now it’s like Sehun was blaming him. 

“It is your fault,” umpisa ni Sehun, “You made me fall for you even when I knew then na wala namang patutunguhan, I watched you jump from one relationship to another. I watched you fall for people, _people that aren’t me.”_

Jeonghan was confused, “You’re hurt? I’m hurt, too.” Sehun whispers, “I’ve been hurt so many times, Jeonghan, pero hindi mo naman kasi alam.”

Hindi sila nagsalita after that, with Jeonghan still trapped between his arms, sa gitna ng parking ng condo nila. 

“That night, McDo Faura,” Umpisa ni Jeonghan habang nakasandal ang ulo sa balikat ni Sehun, “Sabi mo masaya ka, I was supposed to- I was trying to- _You said you were happy.”_

“I wasn’t.” Sehun finally says to him. And in the softest voice, Sehun continued, “You liked me then?”

Jeonghan doesn’t answer but he nods, “And then sabi mo, masaya ka. So sabi ko, if he makes you happy, then I’ll be happy too. I buried it a long time ago, along with the words I was supposed to say.” 

“You wanna try it now?” Sehun whispers against the top of his head. 

“Sehun Laurence Oh, _the third,_ ” He hears Jeonghan call his name just like that night, “Masaya ka pa ba?”

“Mas sasaya ako,” umpisa ni Sehun, _“If aamin ng nararamdaman sa akin ang bestfriend ko.”_

Jeonghan looks up at him, so Sehun continues, “Because, I’ve been in love with my bestfriend, too. It would be nice if Pao feels the same way.”

Jeonghan frowns, “Naglasing ako,” he says, “I sang a fucking Carly Rae Jepsen song about liking someone, sumigaw ako sa mic, sumuka ako sa toilet ng KTV bar, _all because of you_ , gusto mo pang umamin ako?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says. “I’m waiting... Like what I always do, _I’m,_ you know, _just waiting.”_

“Enzo...” Jeonghan starts, “Sehun Laurence Oh,” 

Sehun stares at him. 

“Ang tanga mo.” He just says and aims for a soft kiss sa labi ni Sehun. It was different, just a soft press against Sehun’s, he smiles into the kiss, _“God, you’re so stupid.”_

Sehun smiles at the kiss too, “I was expecting something like, I’m sorry it took a long time for me to figure it out.” He kisses Jeonghan’s lips again, “But yeah, okay, this works too. This is fine.”

Jeonghan wraps his arms around Sehun’s waist. “Let’s take this upstairs? I feel like may guard na makakakita satin,” he says while laughing. Sehun joins him and he feels Sehun kiss the top of his head. Breathing him in. 

_“I love you,”_ Sehun starts and he feels Jeonghan stiffen, “I love how you take my ashtray every morning and empty them for me, I love your 5 alarms every morning because you make me feel like I got my shit together kumpara sayo,” he feels a soft punch sa likod niya dahil sa subtle pang-aasar niya kay Jeonghan.

“I love how your heart is soft, how you always take in animals like Enzo the cat papunta sa unit natin because you can’t just leave them outside,” he says, “I love how you always eat everything I prepare when I know it’s mediocre cooking. _I love the addition you’ve become to me, as my bestfriend.”_

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything else anymore and finds comfort in the way he’s being held right now. 

“I,” Jeonghan wants to say it to him too but Sehun cuts him off. 

_“Don’t,”_ Sehun warns him, “Not yet. Not when you’ve figured it out just now, I want you to say it to me when-”

_“I love you.”_ Jeonghan says looking up. “I’m sorry it took a long time for me to figure it out.” 

Sehun laughs, ginaya siya ni Jeonghan. 

“Yeah, okay.” Sehun says, _“Can I kiss you?”_

He nods and closes his eyes as he feels the distance between them get closer and closer. The kiss was different, again, the soft rhythm of their lips together gives Jeonghan goosebumps. He tilts his head to the side a little, kissing Sehun better. 

Different from their first kiss, but better. Every kiss just gets better. 

He could get used to this. _“I love you, too.”_ Sehun whispers against his lips.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jeonghan tells him he loves him, every morning when they wake up still on their own beds sa dorm nila. He tells him he loves him every time papasok na si Jeonghan to his Clerkship, or even his class. 

He tells him he loves him by preparing Sehun’s stuff before classes, because sometimes, makakalimutin si Sehun. 

He also tells him he loves him between ruts of their fronts and between stolen kisses.

He’s constantly reminded of how Jeonghan loves him. A bright pink sticky note on his study materials, “I love you, attorney.” It would always say. 

Jeonghan tells him he loves him, so much, when he passed the Bar Exam the following year.

Tells him he loves him when he took an oath.

Jeonghan says so many I love yous that night, between panting, between sighing, and between every moan. 

Sehun also tells Jeonghan he loves him whenever they spent the night in after a long night of studying together. 

He tells him he loves him and they should keep the cat now, since they’ve grown fond of the kitty. 

He tells Jeonghan he loves him by sending him food, by making him feel busog and full.

Sehun loves him, and never failed to remind him about it, especially when he passed the Physician Licensure Exam a few years after. 

“I love you, doc.” Sehun says to him as he felt hot tears escape Jeonghan’s eyes and press onto his own cheeks when he carried Jeonghan after nila makita ang result ng PLE. 

Their I love yous has been vocal ever since, bawi for all the years they’ve been secretly loving each other. 

They could’ve started dating a long time ago, but this, this beautiful thing they have now, works just as well too. The timing was perfect, it took a lot for them to be emotionally mature. 

They share their I love yous too at a family dinner. It wasn’t hard to explain sa mga pamilya nila as it almost felt like a missin puzzle piece was finally found and completed the set. 

Atty. Sehun Laurence Oh III tells him he loves him at the night after Dr. Jeonghan Paolo Yoon’s first solo surgery. 

Dr. Jeonghan Paolo Yoon tells Atty. Oh that he did amazing at winning the first case he had and that he loves him so much. 

They’re still the best of friends though, with them fighting about who’s taking care of their dogs and cats... or who should pick their laundry up from the shop, and even paying the bills on time. 

But that’s just how they are. 

And they can’t seem to grasp the idea that they’re growing old, with their bestfriend. Sometimes they would still stare at each other during breakfast, parang hindi makapaniwala na nandito na sila ngayon. 

“I love you,” Sehun says to him one morning, with Sehun still in charge of their kitchen. 

_“I love you, too.”_ Jeonghan replies. 

Pancakes and hot coffee was served in front of him that morning... oh, _and a velvety box too._

Jeonghan bites the inside of his cheek. _Hay._

Sabihin na lang nating pumasok si Jeonghan at Sehun sa trabaho, bouncing lightly on their feet, tiny silver bands on their ring fingers glinting at the morning sun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! (i'm not turning the comments off for this one. this is all in good fun, i enjoyed writing for them a lot. sana you'll find it in your heart to love the dynamics of this very rare pair haha ayun thank you all i love you all. thank you so much!!)
> 
> chapter titles are also song lyrics! (suntok sa buwan, feelings, and need you now) (but i played feelings on repeat when writing this. mm iyak so much.)
> 
> please don't forget to take care of yourselves! would love to see your comments and reactions tungkol sa fic. comment here, tweet me, or tag me! hehe


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